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Fear of Going to Bed


(Photo from Unsplash by Krista Mangulsone)
Why do all of life’s problems seem to be exponentially worse when you are laying down to sleep? Am I the only one who makes an effort to go to bed early so I don’t spend the next day at work contemplating taking a nap under my desk, only to lay awake for a ridiculous amount of time worrying about things that didn’t even register as problems thirty minutes earlier?

I live a very fortunate life. My biggest problem last week was a missing pillow case to an EXTRA sheet set. I discovered it was missing while reorganizing the linen closet and tore the house apart looking for it. I still haven’t found it and that annoys me more than the fact it is missing. Day to day, I am fortunate enough that I don’t have to worry about REAL problems, yet somehow, when I lay down to sleep, I am suddenly faced with bigger serious concerns that didn’t exist in my mind earlier that day. Sometimes the concerns are legitimate, just magnified, and sometimes they are so silly that the next morning I don't even understand why I let them get to me.

I’ve made an effort not to try to go to sleep until I am really tired, but even then, the second my head hits the pillow, I’m often confronted with worries that previously seemed unnecessary. I’m sure this worrisome wakefulness is due to a combination of my brain not being otherwise occupied and anxiety. For the past 8 months my anxiety has thankfully been virtually non-existent, and I can’t pinpoint any event or issue that could be triggering this new nighttime anxiousness.

Admittedly this form of anxiety is significantly easier to deal with than my former struggles, but I am really starting to miss my effortless sleep. I’m starting to dread going to bed and having to face the worries that will inevitably surface. I’ve found reading until I can’t keep my eyes open to works pretty well, but that means I am usually up much later and I am getting less sleep than I’d like.

Do you struggle with turning off your mind when you’re trying to sleep? What works for you?

Saratoga Springs

This past weekend David and I made a trip up to Saratoga Springs for one of his best friend's weddings. It was my first time in Saratoga Springs and I loved the little city that was so full of charm. The streets were lined with grand old Victorian houses and the little downtown area was made up of adorable shops, restaurants, and bars.

The groom works for a large national brewery, so needless to say the beer was flowing all weekend. It made for a festive weekend, but I did a poor job of pacing myself and spent half the trip hungover. 

On Thursday we got into town and met up with everyone at one of the local bars. It was great to catch up with everyone. On Friday, the day of the wedding, David and I went out and found a cute little place for breakfast, then he was off to see to his groomsman duties. I spent most of the day sleeping off all the beer I'd had the night before and grabbed coffee with the wife of one of the other groomsmen.

The wedding was absolutely beautiful and we had so much fun that I only managed to take one super grainy picture. David has a great, close-knit group of friends and hanging out with them and their significant others is always a great time.

The next morning was rough. I haven't had that bad of a hangover since New Year's 2015. I spent most of the night and morning willing my head to stop throbbing and trying not to move. We finally ventured out for food and found a wonderful little spot where I got a hearty breakfast with a side of homemade donuts.
I felt much better after the heavy meal and we headed over to a meet and greet with the bride and groom in their suite. Later David and I went to explore the downtown and found a store that we fell in love with. The owner is an artist that created an adorable little cartoon Stinky Dog that David and I both instantly thought looked like Bernie.

David couldn't leave without picking up some prints. He got the sad looking one since Bernie always has a super depressed look on his face (I swear he is actually a really happy dog) and a happy one to even it out. Plus Bernie loves running around in the yard chasing squirrels and sitting in the sun.


After dinner we headed back over to the bride and groom's suite for an informal party they were throwing for the few of us left in town. By that point I was done with alcohol for the weekend but it was nice to spend more time with everyone before we all went our separate ways the next day. 

The wedding was wonderful, Saratoga Springs was adorable, and we had a wonderful weekend.

"They Made My Feet Look Fat"

(Image from Unsplash by Kyle Anderson)
The other day I was doing some online shopping looking for a new pair of black ballet flats for work. I gave up wearing heels years ago when I switched to a job that doesn't require that I wear a suit every day. Now I just try to make sure I find a pair of flats that look work appropriate and that I can wear all day with minimal discomfort.

I was browsing the reviews on a site for a pair of shoes that caught my eye and the first review I saw said something along the lines of "These shoes were so cute online and they were really comfortable to wear, but they made my feet look fat when I put them on so I had to return them." All I could think was "REALLY?! That's something I need to consider when buying shoes now?!" I don't know about you, but for me, finding a pair of shoes that are not only cute but also comfortable is so rare that I couldn't imagine passing them up.

I understand wanting to have flattering or "sexy" shoes, especially when it comes to picking out a pair of wedges or heels. I always look for a pair that will make my legs look longer and thinner. I however do not get the concern about ballet flats making my feet look wide or fat.

Maybe I simply don't care as much as I should about those kinds of things, and foot fatness or slimness is actually a real issue out there. I just think we already give ourselves a hard enough time worrying about the rest of our body, why add another concern. I mean, on a regular day I already worry if my face, neck, arms, back, stomach, legs, and butt look fat. It's enough to make the most confident girl doubt herself. Do we need to add another body part that isn't even in the general eye line of others to that list? I mean, do people actually walk around looking to see if someone else's feet look fat in their ballet flats?

I wish we could all be less critical of yourselves, especially when it comes to things that I think most others would never even notice or look at. Can we please give ourselves a break?
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